Character Clues

A Family Tradition

As a small child in Boone, Iowa, I sat up eagerly in my lower bunk bed each night as my dad quizzed my brother and me on several scripture memory verses, and then Bill Gothard’s definition of 49 character traits. Each definition was printed – complete with antonym and supporting scripture verse – on its own card. After my dad shuffled the deck, he would read a character trait and whoever could spit out Gothard’s definition first got to hold the card. The most cards wins. I was two years younger than my brother, so some nights my dad would hand me a bonus point or five to give me a fighting chance.

I don’t think he was trying to infuse our language with special, manipulative vocabulary so we would be easier to control later in life. I think these definitions just really fit his worldview. They felt right, and he was doing his best to teach his kids the best way to live…just like I’m trying to do with mine…and you with yours.

In general, the definitions were fine. They forced me to spend more time considering the distinctions between similar positive traits. For example, I recognized that being “attentive” to another person was not just about listening, but also a way to communicate to that person that s/he was worth listening to.

What I failed to notice for an embarrassingly amount of time was that these were not the “right” definitions of these words, as if there were such a thing. Bill Gothard had redefined the words that were important to his goals, as all exclusive societies do. These definitions were not – as they had been presented to me – a peek into the truth behind the words as much as they were a peek into Bill Gothard’s worldview.

Gothard & The Org

His Character Clues made a heavy appearance in the 3rd-6th grade in FCS, and at least dozens of us completed his Institute in Basic Life Principles course in our church. But Bill Gothard was an even stronger shadow force in our church, as his philosophies seemed to have found fertile ground in Pastor’s heart. Gothard earned a rare level of respect from Pastor, right up there with Dallas Willard and George Bush.

The org stopped explicitly endorsing the IBLP courses during the sexual harassment allegations, but the worldview remained. The Character Clues weren’t ubiquitous in the org, but they shaped the trinity’s philosophy, and because of what a blatant example they are of the org’s doublespeak. For the ultra-curious, here are all of them:

Alertness vs. Unawareness – Being aware of that which is taking place around me so I can have right response to it.

Attentiveness vs. Unconcern – Showing the worth of a person by giving undivided attention to his words and emotions.

Availability vs. Self-centeredness – Making my own schedule and priorities secondary to the wishes of those I am serving.

Boldness vs. Fearfulness – Confidence that what I have to say or do is true and right and just in the sight of God.

Cautiousness vs. Rashness – Knowing how important right timing is in accomplishing right actions.

Compassion vs. Indifference – Investing whatever is necessary to heal the hurts of others.

Contentment vs. Covetousness – Realizing that God has provided everything I need for my present happiness.

Creativity vs. Underachievement – Approaching a need, a task, an idea from a new perspective.

Decisiveness vs. Double-mindedness – The ability to finalize difficult decisions based on the will and ways of God.

Deference vs. Rudeness – Limiting my freedom in order not to offend the tastes of those God has called me to serve.

Dependability vs. Inconsistency – Fulfilling what I consented to do even if it means unexpected sacrifice.

Determination vs. Faintheartedness – Purposing to accomplish God’s goals in God’s time, regardless of the opposition.

Diligence vs. Slothfulness – Visualizing each task as a special assignment from the Lord and using all my energies to accomplish it.

Discernment vs. Judgment – The God-given ability to understand why things happen.

Discretion vs. Simplemindedness – The ability to avoid words, actions, and attitudes which could result in undesirable consequences.

Endurance vs. Giving Up – The inward strength to withstand stress to accomplish God’s best.

Enthusiasm vs. Apathy – Expressing with my soul the joy of my spirit.

Faith vs. Presumption – Visualizing what God intends to do in a given situation and acting in harmony with it.

Flexibility vs. Resistance – Not setting my affections on ideas or plans which could be changed by God or others.

Forgiveness vs. Rejection – Clearing the record of those who have wronged me and allowing God to love them through me.

Generosity vs. Stinginess – Realizing that all I have belongs to God and using it for His purposes.

Gentleness vs. Harshness – Showing personal care and concern in meeting the needs of others.

Gratefulness vs. Unthankfulness – Making known to God and others in what ways they have benefited my life.

Hospitality vs. Lonliness – Cheerfully sharing food, shelter, and spiritual refreshment with those whom God brings into my life.

Humility vs. Pride – Recognizing that it is actually God and others who are responsible for the achievements in my life.

Initiative vs. Unresponsiveness – Recognizing and doing what needs to be done before I am asked to do it.

Joyfulness vs. Self-pity – The spontaneous enthusiasm of my spirit when my soul is in fellowship with the Lord.

Justice vs. Fairness – Personal responsibility to God’s unchanging laws.

Love vs. Selfishness – Giving to others’ basic needs without having as my motive personal reward.

Loyalty vs. Unfaithfulness – Using difficult times to demonstrate my commitment to God and to those whom He has called me to serve.

Meekness vs. Anger – Yielding my personal rights and expectations to God.

Obedience vs. Willfulness – Freedom to be creative under the protection of divinely-appointed authority.

Orderliness vs. Disorganization – Preparing myself and my surroundings so I will achieve the greatest efficiency.

Patience vs. Restlessness – Accepting a difficult situation from God without giving Him a deadline to remove it.

Persuasiveness vs. Contentiousness – Guiding vital truths around another’s mental roadblocks.

Punctuality vs. Tardiness – Showing high esteem for other people and their time.

Resourcefulness vs. Wastefulness – Wise use of that which others would normally overlook or discard.

Responsibility vs. Unreliability – Knowing and doing what both God and others are expecting from me.

Reverence vs. Disrespect – Awareness of how God is working through the people and events in my life to produce the character of Christ in me.

Security vs. Anxiety – Structuring my life around what is eternal and cannot be destroyed or taken away.

Self-Control vs. Self-indulgence – Instant obedience to the initial promptings of God’s Spirit.

Sensitivity vs. Callousness – Exercising my senses so I can perceive the true spirit and emotions of those around me.

Sincerity vs. Hypocrisy – Eagerness to do what is right with transparent motives.

Thoroughness vs. Incompleteness – Knowing what factors will diminish the effectiveness of my work or words if neglected.

Thriftiness vs. Extravagance – Not letting myself or others spend that which is not necessary.

Tolerance vs. Prejudice – Acceptance of others as unique expressions of specific character qualities in varying degrees of maturity.

Truthfulness vs. Deception – Earning future trust by accurately reporting past facts.

Virtue vs. Impurity – The moral excellence and purity of spirit that radiate from my life as I obey God’s Word.

Wisdom vs. Natural Inclinations – Seeing and responding to life’s situations from God’s frame of reference.

Chaos & Order

A healthy life probably includes a mix of chaos and order. Too much chaos looks like anarchy, where no one is safe from the whims of their neighbor (Sodom and Gomorrah; political left; liberalism; desire for freedom). On the other hand, too much order is the thing which usually abolishes anarchy: tyrannical enforcement of a strict set of arbitrary rules (Nazi Germany; political right; conservativism; desire for safety).

Overly-orderly people, like leaders of the org and IBLP, are usually high-output people; low in creativity and openness. They are easily disgusted, and usually strongly averse to contaminations of all kinds: pests, germs, ideas, people, non-uniformities. So it makes sense that they are obsessed with defining, deifying, and demanding:

Orderly
Cautious
Dependable
Determined
Obedient
Alert
Attentive
Diligent
Punctual
Reverent
Self-controlled
Thorough
Thrifty

Missing Character

As a child, I just accepted that I had memorized all the important character traits. I had the map to good-ness. I knew how to win at Christ-like-ness. It was just a matter of execution.

It took a quite a few painful experiences to learn about some of the most valuable traits, none of which were on the Coller’s (or Gothard’s) radar. These more important traits are also more chaotic, making them less controllable. More importantly, they are less-measurable, and thus, less conquerable, which would have make them less appealing to order-obsessed fundamentalists. Whatever the reason, neither Gothard nor the org cared to emphasize or define:

Hope
Charity
Graciousness
Nurture
Wonder
Balance
Passion
Empathy
Humor
Open-mindedness
Peace
Mercy
Kindness
Autonomy

And the few chaotic/feeling/messy character traits that were included were cleaned up and redefined in terms of control and action. It wasn’t good enough that a characteristic just reside in a person. There had to be a path to winning, achieving, earning. For every good trait, there was associated action. To some end. In service to someone. Every adjective lived on the leash of a verb. Every “be” had a “do”.

Love = Giving
Meekness = Yielding
Compassion = Investing
Creativity = Approaching
Enthusiasm = Expressing
Faith = Visualizing & acting
Gentleness = Meeting needs
Gratefulness = Making known
Joyfulness = spontaneous enthusiasm [see above]
Sensitivity = Exercising
Virtue = Radiating
Wisdom = Seeing & responding

Mouths Of Babes

Even as an 8 year old, I remember debating the ridiculousness of some of these mandates. Eventually my dad won me over, but reading back through them, I vividly recall the arguments he won, without ever having to really make sense – a tragically common trait in his profession.

Dad, if discernment is the ability to understand why things happen, does that mean it is a lack of character to not understand why things happen?
Dad, if discretion is the ability to avoid undesirable consequences, does that mean that undesirable consequences mean I have a lack of character?
Dad, if justice is personal responsibility to God’s unchanging laws, why do we seek justice for others? It seems like “justice” just means telling on myself…?
Dad, isn’t self-control, controlling yourself? …and not instant obedience? And shouldn’t we test our initial promptings instead of jumping in instantly?

My list of questions went on. I was kind of a pain in the butt. He was pretty patient with my “ignorance”.

Continued Ignorance

Now that I’m nearly grown, I have additional issues with the ways I saw these 49 mutilated character traits actually play out in the org. Some are too obvious to mention or are handled in other sections. A few of the more obscure ones might be:

Tolerance vs. Prejudice – Acceptance of others as unique expressions of specific character qualities in varying degrees of maturity.
- Perhaps the opposite was supposed to be prejudice, but the act of consciously judging others as immature, and then putting up with them sure created a lot of prejudice.
Attentiveness vs. Unconcern – Showing the worth of a person by giving undivided attention to his words and emotions.
- Giving undivided attention to a person was a form of manipulation. We actually were unconcerned with their stated needs. We were attentive to open the emotional doors through which we could try to fix people.
Availability vs. Self-centeredness – Making my own schedule and priorities secondary to the wishes of those I am serving.
- The way it played out in the org, this is just enmeshment; lack of boundaries; absence of self-love.
Thriftiness vs. Extravagance – Not letting myself or others spend that which is not necessary.
- Here again, God is calling us to fix others
Compassion vs. Indifference – Investing whatever is necessary to heal the hurts of others.
- Again, boundary-less. Your hurts are my opportunity – my responsibility – to fix.
Determination vs. Faintheartedness – Purposing to accomplish God’s goals in God’s time, regardless of the opposition.
- We don’t know God’s goals or God’s time, but we sure plowed through the opposition.
Security vs. Anxiety – Structuring my life around what is eternal and cannot be destroyed or taken away.
- Love, people, relationships. Not only was the trinity’s life not structured around those things; those were specifically discarded, mutilated, and set aflame in the pursuit of what was eternal. On the other hand, it did give them a sick kind of security.

Not All Bad

As is the case with most of these stories, it wasn’t all bad. It just appears that way when I’m writing under the thesis of, “There were a lot of messed up things in this clean-and-tidy org.”

One thing I appreciate most about Bill Gothard is the lesson that, “Others may; I may not.” This was very liberating. I would argue it was very liberal. Very anti-judgmental. The idea, as I may have misunderstood it, was that I don’t know what is or isn’t a sin for others. I have my own conscience, and I am responsible to that. When I see others making mistakes (or what would be mistakes if I did them), it is not my business to call it out.

The way I saw this embodied was in pity and judgement and condescension, but the way I tried to implement it was a sincere freedom from trying to condemn others or feel I was being treated unfairly or had an unfair standard to live up to.

It’s quite possible that this philosophy prepared me to be controlled more easily, and to embrace ridiculous personal standards imposed by religious authorities. I was not allowed to question my own instructions just because they conflicted with someone else’s.

But the way I took it, I think it also prepared my heart to eventually start to learn compassion. And it gave me a sliver of permission to believe that perhaps “I may,” even when my religious authorities “may not.”

Thanks, Bill.

The Big One

Perhaps the most concerning part of all the Character Clues, IBLP and the trinity: they literally had no word for grace.

Up next:

Unmerited Fervor