“These people are not acting in an insane way. They have adopted an insane ideology, which is not quite the same thing. They are not a crazy person. They are a sane person that’s taught to think in a crazy way, which is a very different animal. In fact, it’s a much more dangerous animal.” – James Lindsay
Godfellas
It was a real church.
The front for the mob is a real restaurant with real, great food. And any insinuation that the restaurant was “fake” would draw an appropriate uproar from the owners. The org wasn’t a cult instead of being a church. It was a cult in addition to being a church. And the leadership really love Jesus as much as Italians really love a good risotto.
I just pity anyone who gets too deep into business with either of them. Being a patron is safe, but beware an internship. You ain’t gonna learn what you think you are.
Corporations Are People Too
I’m sure there are people who have only experienced Pastor Duane as a generous, personable, “good” guy. They genuinely have nothing negative to say about him, and I wouldn’t try to convince them otherwise. In fact, I would probably agree with most of the traits they like.
Either because they held healthy boundaries with him or because their interaction with him just never ran into territory where boundaries were an issue, they had an encounter with the good in humanity. That’s beautiful.
In the same way, there are students who graduated from Freedom, and people who ministered through Lifepoints who, through boundaries or luck, never had invasive experiences (though those people seem to be exceedingly rare). I have no need to change their mind. I’m honestly glad they enjoyed the risotto.
But also, this section is a testament to the truth that there is an unnecessary trail of dead and wounded souls that spans the timeline of that ministry. Everyone who stepped into the kitchen or who sent a plate back to the chef, got shot.
Stealing & Submission
The people and the organization only hurt the people who let them. This is not to blame the victim, just to lay out the events.
- “The burglar only broke in to the houses that were unlocked.“
- “The hacker stole your identity because your password wasn’t strong enough.“
- “The thief smashed your car window because you left your purse on the front seat.“
This does not make the past events okay nor are they the victim’s responsibility. But it does prescribe a better way to move forward.
This is why it is imperative that people (especially leaders and authorities) hold boundaries, not only for themselves, but also for others:
“You are not allowed to take [this] from me, and you’re not allowed to give [this] to me either. I won’t accept it.”
[This] can be a lot of things, and not just “things”. It is frequently something like a secret, unearned trust, power of choice, or the responsibility for your life.
The trinity gave lavish gifts that imprisoned the recipients. And the org leadership were trained to accept things (or worse yet, request things) that were not ours to have. Some of us are in recovery for our passive and active theft. Those who are not, are still inherently dangerous, which is not an evaluation of their actual harm, but their potential harm.
You can’t play Russian Roulette…survive…and then claim that as proof that it wasn’t dangerous. Likewise, those people and organizations are dangerous even if, in any particular circumstance, they caused no harm, or even caused good. Either through ignorance or malevolence, they are willing to be your abuser if you let them abuse you. They are postured to be cults if you’re willing to play that way.
The Votes Are In
Still, despite my semantic hair splitting, no psychologist I’ve seen so far is willing to refer to my family’s business as anything but a “cult.” And the psychologists are not alone. This church has been called a “cult” by hundreds, if not thousands, of exiting members and acquaintances. And many more than that have just slowly backed out with a creepy vibe, before getting close enough to confirm or deny their instincts.
Just Me
While it would have been easy (and was tempting) to collaborate with former members to present a broader perspective on the organization as a whole, I have decided to just give you my story, and let you decide for yourself where my experience falls on the cult spectrum.
I’ll let others tell their own stories. Sadly, I’m sure that some of their creepy stories include me as the antagonist. I’ve reached out to apologize to several I can think of. I’m sure there are many more. (If you are one of them and it would help to hear it from me, you can reach out. I am ready to validate your sanity and compassionately appreciate your story.)
These are just a few of the things I saw with my own eyes, heard with my own ears, experienced for myself. As the only escaping family member so far, here is the most inside-look I can provide: my experience behind-the-scenes of a family-run religious authoritarian organization convinced that they have a monopoly on Truth. (Granted, others may also be allowed to hold some truth, but no real truth conflicts with the Collers. They would deny this belief, but I think our actions have spoken louder than our spin.)
Note #1:
As I tried to compile this section (“Part 2: The Cult”), the list of examples became unmanageably long almost immediately. I gave up on that endeavor and threw out that list. Instead, I made a list of some of the most prevalent categories of offensive behaviors, with just a few specific examples of each. Rather than detailing the dozens of stories that could easily turn each category into its own novel, I made some editing decisions:
- I left out abuses that were large, complicated, and messy in a way that crossed too many category lines to fit neatly in any one of these boxes.
- I also purposely excluded some traumatizing stories that could have been included here, but which I decided to save for other places, like our biographies (Part 1 and Part 3).
- My story – what I saw – obviously includes other people, abusers and abused. Most details about other members outside the family have been edited out. And I tried to focus on the primarily sharing about the org leadership, as we were most emblematic of the dangers of this type of org. The focus of the published stories is: “How does a place like this run and what are the people like who run it?” I tried to include only stories that still have value for those who have never heard of Lifepoints Church, Freedom Christian School, Mrs. Annette, or Pastor Duane Coller.
- Some details of even the higher-ups were just too heinous or intimate for me to feel comfortable exposing them, especially specifics regarding legal sexual mistakes and financial entanglements. Those people will have to share their own stories about what was done to them.
- I’ve tried mostly to include details that I’m certain can be corroborated by at least several people. But in choosing not to collaborate with others, I’m sure I have missed several whole categories as well. There are dozens more examples I haven’t included, and surely thousands more just as compelling examples from others that I don’t even know about. This is a tiny peek into the org through my eyes.
I’ve also worked on this section in small allotments of time, to keep myself from getting caught up in the emotion of incredulousness. It is difficult to be honest about an outrageous thing without becoming outraged. I want all these accounts to be objectively true, but describing levels of insanity is a subjective task.
Plus, describing where your life events should place on the “normal” spectrum is a difficult thing to do without the help of qualified outsiders. I’ve done that work. I’m doing that work. This is the best I could do for now. This is not a complete list of my complaints or stories, just a measured collection of a couple of examples that fit most neatly into a single category.
Note #2:
I have learned that my abnormal relationship with my family can be confusing for many hearing my story, because I usually don’t refer to them with familial titles. But biologically, it is as simple as could be:
- Mrs. Annette is indeed my mother.
- Pastor Duane is indeed my father.
- Just Ryan is indeed my brother.
- All of our last names is Coller.
Wendy is my wife.
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